EXCLUSIVA: Asistimos al primer consejo de redacción de la nueva Semana

El Unicornio obtuvo información de segunda mano sobre la primera reunión de Vicky Dávila como directora editorial de Semana con su nuevo equipo periodístico tras el despido fulminante de Alejandro Santos y Ricardo Calderón, y la renuncia masiva de los periodistas descontentos con la nueva orientación que decidieron “imprimirle”.

Vicky llegó rozagante -no cabía de la dicha- a la sala de reuniones donde se encontraban sus dos colaboradores, el representante de los nuevos accionistas, una periodista que no renunció por ser practicante, y la gerente de la empresa, Sandra Suárez.

Vicky se sentó con cierta dificultad en la silla principal, sus pies quedaron colgando y le pidió a uno de sus colaboradores que le bajara la silla para poner los pies sobre la tierra.

Luego de alcanzar una posición cómoda, bien cómoda, doña Vicky comenzó diciendo: “Debemos nombrar nuevos columnistas, ojalá con posiciones uribistas objetivas e imparciales que generen muchos clics”. Y sacó un listado, y empezó a nombrarlos:

“Mi lista la encabezan Fernando Londoño Hoyos y Andrés Felipe Arias. Este último no sé si tenga tiempo, porque pidió permiso al INPEC para trabajar y estudiar. El otro es el exministro de Defensa Guillermo Botero, quien tendrá tiempo de sobra. Voy a tratar de convencer a Paloma Valencia de que deje su columna en El Nuevo Siglo y se venga para acá, ella puede remplazar con propiedad a María Jimena”.

“Debemos nombrar a nuevos columnistas, ojalá con posiciones uribistas imparciales y que generen muchos clics”.

En ese momento alguien golpeó a la puerta. Creían que llegaban con el tinto, pero no. La periodista practicante abrió la puerta y apareció Carlos Enrique Rodríguez. “¿Y quién es este aparecido?”, preguntó Vicky Dávila a su asistente, quien tampoco lo conocía, pero la gerente le explicó quién era.

“Les recuerdo que los nuevos dueños no dejaron ni para el tinto, solo hay Yupis”, dijo el representante de los accionistas.

Cuando Vicky supo quién iba a ser su mano derecha debido a la fusión de las dos revistas, Dinero y Semana, le pidió que siguiera y se sentara. Rodríguez no encontró una silla, así que le alcanzaron una Rimax.

En el nuevo consejo de redacción solo faltaba Luis Carlos Vélez, debido a que estaba asistiendo a unas terapias con un psicólogo pediatra después de que recibió un duro matoneo en las redes sociales, que lo dejó emocionalmente inestable y sin su habitual corbata.

Vicky prosiguió: “Ya tengo el tema de portada de nuestro próximo número: los dineros que entraron a la campaña de Juan Manuel Santos por parte de Odebrecht. Es un tema de vibrante actualidad y, aunque ya le he dedicado unas veinte columnas, debemos profundizar al respecto”. Los asesores de Vicky y la gerente estuvieron de acuerdo, Rodríguez alzó la mano, pero Vicky se hizo la que no lo veía y continuó:

“Debemos investigar sobre las almendras que ofrecía el Palacio De Nariño en el anterior gobierno. Esto tenía un sobrecosto que puede considerarse detrimento patrimonial”. Los temas fueron aprobados sin reparo, mientras Rodríguez seguía levantando la mano. 

“Los confidenciales de aquí en adelante los voy a hacer yo. Yo hacía La cosa política en Noticias RCN y les daré el mismo tratamiento especulativo. Tengo unos chismes sobre Juan Manuel, buenísimos, de esos que dan muchos clics”. Vicky se sentía dueña de la situación y agregó: “La sección de música ya no la hará Juan Carlos Garay, sino Abelardo de la Espriella, quien canta hermoso la ópera, es todo un divo y también canta en los estrados judiciales. Me parece el más apropiado”.

Y continuó: “La sección de literatura debe ser para Alejandro Ordóñez, nadie como él ha tenido tantos libros en la mano, y si los quemó debió ser porque eran bien malos, así que necesitamos a alguien con tan refinado criterio literario”. 

Y no paró: “En la sección internacional estará Claudia Blum, a quien le ha ido muy mal como canciller, pero ha mostrado dominio en el tema. Yo hablo con Iván para que le dé permiso de colaborarnos con la revista”. En ese momento, interrumpió el representante de los accionistas: «me parece muy bien lo de colaborarnos, así no tenemos que contratarla”. Rodríguez volvió a levantar la mano, pero Vicky siguió hablando:

“El primer tema de fondo bajo mi mandato periodístico será Álvaro Uribe Vélez, pues debemos recordarle a Colombia -duélale al mamerto que le duela- quién fue el prohombre que salvó a Colombia de las garras de las Farc y cuyo legado ha sido recogido por la honorable bancada del Centro Democrático. Le dedicaremos veinte páginas”.  

Ahí saltó el representante de los accionistas: “¡Veinte páginas son muchas! Pero no lo digo por Uribe, sino por el costo de la edición”. En ese momento sonó su celular y se retiró a contestar.

Mientras Vicky delegaba los temas a la periodista practicante, quien además debía responder por todos los contenidos de la página web, el representante de los accionistas regresó rebosante de alegría, pues se habían confirmado cien nuevas suscripciones de la revista por parte de miembros del Centro Democrático. “¡Esto es un buen arranque!” gritó a voz en cuello.

Aquí intervino de nuevo doña Vicky: “¿Y cómo vamos a remplazar a Vladdo, el otro mamerto que nos renunció? El único caricaturista bueno que conozco es Matador, pero de ese tipo no quiero volver a saber nada porque me trató muy mal en El Debate de Semana TV. ¿A qué hora se me ocurrió contratarlo?”.

El representante de los accionistas dijo con voz sosegada que lo mejor era ahorrarse esa platica: “Al fin y al cabo, Margarita Rosa de Francisco ya dijo que Semana ahora es oficialmente un cómic”.

En este punto, Vicky dio por terminado el primer consejo de redacción. El representante de los accionistas recibió un Whatsapp que hablaba de la renovación de treinta nuevas suscripciones de la Casa de Nariño, se le veía radiante.

Doña Vicky salió apurada porque tenía bastante trabajo. A Rodríguez no le pararon bolas. Los asesores de la directora salieron a la tienda de la esquina a comprar una libra de café. La gerente pidió que la comunicaran con El Ubérrimo. A Luis Carlos Vélez le recetaron otra cita con el psicólogo, pero acompañado del papá.

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  82. Unicornio deberia promover la creacion de otra revista, integrada por los periodistas salientes. Para fastidiar a Gillinsky podriamos conocerla como SEMANA III y opacamos la ll de Vicky. SEMANA I ya desapareció.

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